The Malloon Hungers, the Malloon Lives

Through my connections at Games Are Evil (GrE) I have gathered many industry insiders from the land of my imagination. These insiders (in my mind) have told me of several titles across various platforms that the gaming public is unaware. Today I will proudly share with you the best of these games that you will never get to play.

Is this what became of Max Force?

First up we have a remake to an arcade co-op classic. The original game was a joint effort with D.A.R.E. and Williams Electronics (of Mortal Kombat fame) that hit the arcades in 1988. This game was an ultra-violent side scroller that pit two police officers (Max Force and Hit Man) in motorcycle helmets against waves of drug pushing and using manics. For those of you not old enough, this is a 100% accurate representation of the late 1980s. When I would go to the local mall I used to have to jump and roll, using my cat-like reflexes to dodge the syringes being thrown at me. The purple faced drug dealers that lurked in the suburbs of Pittsburgh were so angry with the “just say no” campaign, that they took to hurling syringes at everyone trying to get to Chess King to buy some boss clothes.

The original remake to NARC was also a realistic approach to gaming. Originally slated for the PS2 and Xbox, NARC: The High School Years, would have told the tale of the teenage Mr. Force and Mr. Man. The deep story was to boldly tell the tale of two young justice seekers doing their best to tattle on everyone, while not getting the crap beaten out of them in the process. An introductory movie was in full CGI, showing Max receiving a “swirly” and Hit telling on the older kids that gave Max his toilet bath. As the story turned out, Mr. Big’s son, Big Man on Campus, was the mastermind behind the stolen baby dolls from home economics. I, for one, am sad that I never got to play through the “who put grain in the punch bowl?” level.

I have been waiting 20 years for this game!

Every gamer worth their salt knows of UbiSoft’s cash cow games from the world of Tom Clancy. What most people do not know is that they were planning to start a whole new series of games in a similar vein from author Thomas Harris. The first game would have been the Wii title, Thomas Harris’ Silence of the Lambs. In SoTL, players would get to chance to play as the misunderstood anti-hero Jame Gumb. This stealth action game would feature all of the famous scenes from the movie. Imagine the excitement as the gamer hides, with their infrared goggles donned, waiting to capture their next victim. The Wiimote would be the perfect control scheme for enacting the infamous tuck dance, move for glorious move. Not only would the player have to master the sowing skills to make their skin suit through an organic leveling system, but they would also master the art of convincing “it” to put the lotion on it’s skin.

This Character is not in the game.

I know of a car simulator to destroy all others. Designed by Polyphony Digital and Turn 10 studios, the developers behind Gran Turismo and Forza. This collaboration was going to launch for both the PS3 and Xbox360. Rush Hour USA would have had more customization than any other car sim before it. Imagine all the fun of sitting in rush hour traffic from the comfort of your living room! Customizable features of the game included, designing your own method of flipping the bird to antagonistic motorists, fully customizable un-listenable radio stations, and of course custom dents to add to your non-descript sedan.  Rush Hour would take place in the most notorious of gridlock location across the continental United States, with the bonus unlockable DC beltway. The AI was painstakingly crafted to thwart your every attempt to get to work on time.

Keep checking in at GrE for my next update, including more Retro re-launches, some 80’s tv gems, and more.

Re-releasing games is nothing new. Sometimes it’s just something as simple as a re-press with a new edition number on the spine of the CD or DVD. Other times, it’s a full re-hash, with new graphics, features, materials and more. Despite all the additions, it’s still the same game, and that, depending on the game itself, could help sell, or help it stick to the shelves.

Games like Chrono Trigger help bring back the rose-tinted views of retro gaming, and seeing the remake of an original, Disgaea: Hour of Darkness for example, rather than a sequel, often is financial sense, as it simultaneously adds a larger audience and gives more to the fans of the series. There are services available like Good Old Games, a website that you can download old titles, complete with remastered bonuses like Soundtracks, Hi-Res images and more, legally, and at a very good price. There are free re-releases, like the recent opening of Quake Live to the public, that are supported by adverts. As long as people play, id software get paid, and the players are just playing the game.

However, re-releasing a game is something that has been around for a long time. If we look at Sega, they have been re-releasing the Sonic and general Genesis titles for a long time. They have recently done it again with Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection (Sega Mega Drive Ultimate Collection if you ive outside of the US), but to much higher acclaim than the previous iterations of the releases. The fact of the matter is that SUGC’s games average out at less than $1 a game. Good Old Games doesn’t charge more than $10 per title. They have taken the bull by the horns, and seen what they can offer to the consumer at genuinely good value, and it has shown in sales figures.

Even titles that are available for download have either been available for less than their original title was, or they have added enough content to justify the ‘new game’ price, or they have done both. The explosion on XBLA and PSN alike of Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix is a perfect example of the point I made earlier. The game cost $15, but the games graphics had been completely redone to match the graphical quality of the console generation that it was released in. A cynic would immediately say that this was just to drum up hype for Street Fighter IV, but a lot of people bought SSF2THDR (sorry for the acronym) to relive the old days of the original Super Street Fighter II Turbo, and didn’t even give the more recent title a second look.

The typical gamer is now matured. No longer is it the early-teen sitting in his bedroom playing on the NES all weekend, and when he gets home after school. They have aged, to the point where they can be re-sold games that were available in their youth. This demographic doesn’t need to ask their parents for money anymore; many of them already are parents. They can go out, buy the game at a cut rate, and enjoy their childhood once again. It is this reminiscence that is driving the re-release market, and the urge from younger gamers to play what their parents played.

Not all re-releases do well in this generation, though. A lot of the re-releases on XBLA and Nintendo Channel (Sonic 2, Gradius, Golden Axe, Galaga, Alien Storm etc) have rarely been spoken of after their release, other than ‘Pick it up on [Collection X]‘ when mentioned in passing. They are not good value for money, and therefore, especially in this recent economic climate, are less of a draw than 40 titles for $30.

All these factors add to the result that we see today: Solid re-hashes that give much more, or cost much less. Whether it lasts though, is another question. The explosion of gaming when the PS1 and N64 were around means that from then onward, the consoles sold in much larger numbers. Therefore, there will be more of a chance to play it on the original console. Ten years after it’s release, the PS2 is still selling through it’s slim/PStwo version, and that allows you to play PS1 games. We may have hit the sweet spot in releasing old titles for the consoles, but for gamers who enjoy classic titles, it’s one hell of a sweet spot.

I hope this is easier to pull off than a final atomic crusher!

Coming Soon: Graffiti Entertainment will be releasing Martial Arts: Capoeira, by developer Twelve Interactive. The title will launch before the end of 2008 across several platfoms, DS, Wii, PSP, and most exciting the PS2. The game will feature the visually stunning martial art known as Capoeria.

If you have never seen it live, I highly suggest checking it out. It is a mixture of tribal beats, dancing, and some of the most acrobatic martial arts you can imagine. The game will take the fights to various cities from around the globe. There will be 12 distinct characters to choose to from and each of the fighters will have customizable fighting skills. These skills can be increased through training. In order to train you will need to raise some money so be careful betting on those barely legal street brawls. The action should look intense as the action in the game is based up motion captured real capoeira movies. What does this preview have to do with automobiles? Here is a hint….Zoom.

If you have theories please share them in the comments.

Roms used to be housed in big hunks of plastic, that broke if thrown.

This week I want to remind some of you why you stayed gamers and loved your Super Nintendo (SNES) and to arouse some curiosity in players who may have never tried some of these gems. Of course in this journey I will share some titles I just plain enjoyed but may have just been novelties of the era.

For fans of the modern era shooter and twitch game play addicts everywhere, I submit Contra III: The Alien Wars. This 1992 release allowed you to once again play as gun totting alien killing machines named Bill and Lance. This was from the era of difficult games. I mean truly difficult games it was games like this that caused many controller to malfunction *. This game was not easy on any difficulty and the true ending could only be seen if you defected it on the “Hard” difficulty.

This is the future of the Powerglove!

Shadowrun for the SNES was released late in 1993, this title was a completely different game than its Sega Genesis cousin. It was an action role playing game (RPG) which used many elements from the pencil and paper RPG of the same name. It had an engaging storyline and interesting mechanics. I personally enjoyed the departure from the fairy tale world. Instead the world you played in was a filthy futuristic Seattle populated by orcs, goblins, zombies, and many other supernatural creatures. I think dragons destroyed all of the coffee houses. The mixture of fantasy and high tech made Shadowrun a very entertaining title.

The name Gabby Jay should resound with players of Super Punch Out!!. Gabby was a push over compared to the menaces you faced in the ring in the 1994 follow up to Mike Tyson’s Punch Out (or Punch Out depending on when you played it).  This is the standard that all “arcade style” boxing games should be, and usually are, measured against. It was fun and difficult. The fun factor kept you coming back to try and figure out one more time how to beat that next cunning foe.

The Super Star Wars Trilogy was a great treatment of a movie franchise and would make excellent arcade titles for any current generation console. Each game from Episodes IV-VI of the Star Wars Trilogy were faithfully represented in fun and semi-challenging levels.

One day humankind will understand why this great actor chose to play Bowser and not the one from Sha Na Na.

SNES offered some fierce competition for the new next generation consoles in the forms of the Donkey Kong Country (DKC) games and the Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars. Both of these games provided enough flash and challenge to keep players fixed on their SNES consoles for a little while longer. I stil remember a friend of mine who was creeped out by the odd rhino from DKC. Super Mario RPG took what was old and made it the type of game that reminds me of the Lego games today: at their base level they are childrens games, that anyone can enjoy.

No conversation on SNES would be complete without mentioning Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Super Metroid,  Chrono Trigger, and the final Final Fantasy (FF) series. Chrono Trigger and the FF games had droves of fans that demanded more from their RPGs and got it. Super Metroid has spawned imitators and sequels alike with fans still clamoring for a true sequel of this classic. A Link to the Past is a must play for anyone who considers themselves a fan of action RPG games.

Now to those games I remember fondly:

Earthworm Jim – Gross out humor with great platform game play.

Ogre Battle – Wow! This game was massive as I recall. I never got the the best ending.

Ranma 1/2 Hard Battle – If you have never played as a panda battling and old pervert, I suggest playing this once.

Keep your emulation to your self!

Saturday Night Slam Masters- Take pro wrestling, mix in some Street Fighter, with a dash of Final Fight, and top it off with the “Opie Beating Song **” and you get this beloved title.

Super Castlevania IV – The best of the original style Castlevanias, before they changed into (well-made) clones of Super Metroid.

Jeff Hart not pictured, to protect his identity

*meaning to be hurled against something at great velocity. Malfunctions caused Mr. Milk to gain the knowledge of how to repair SNES controllers.

**Gamesareevil editorial staff does not condone entangling a man with a garden hose and punching him to the beat of the theme song for King Rasta Mon. No, not at all

Every Friday, the Games Are Evil crew rounds up their unfinished business: Games from the recent past that deserve some extra attention.

Peter Skerritt, Senior PS3 Staff Writer:

NHL 09 is taking more of my time than I thought possible. Be A Pro mode is incredibly addicting, making the game the most immersive video game rendition of the sport that I have ever played. I also have Yakuza 2 sitting here, waiting to be played for the first time… plus I’m playing Mystery Case Files: Millionheir and The Price Is Right for the DS while I’m out and about. Of course… I have a wedding to go to this weekend, which will eat into my gaming time. Curse you, matrimony!

Fanky Malloon, Retro Evil Editor:

I am still working on Too Human, GTA IV, Soul Calibur IV, Lego Star Wars:TCS. One of these days I will start Bully. My PS2 keeps telling me to finish Front Mission 4, Kingdom Hearts 2, and X-Com UFO Defense. My Gamecube wants me to play Eternal Darkness again for a review. Finally my Xbox wants me to fire up a classics collection I found on my shelf that has Pit Fighter!

Gabe Marchisio, 360 & PSP Staff Writer, Resident Guitar Hero Expert:

Recently I got my PS2 back from a friend. I’ve been dabbling in each of my old games, but the one I’m really focusing on this weekend was Ratchet: Deadlocked. Sure, it takes longer to make a sandwich than beat the game, but it sure has style. In my opinion, its the PS2’s most action-packed title. I even got my Mega Dual Raptors to Level 99! (I was so angry when I realized there was no level 100)

Bret Jennings, Guest iPhone Staff Writer

I have a copy of Spore in hand for my PC, a borrowed Wii from a friend, Mercenaries 2 for 360, all on the same weekend I restarted my Blockbuster Game Pass Account.  As if that wasn’t enough, I bought 2 new games for my iPhone this week and I still haven’t finished N+ on the DS.  When I got home tonight I was informed that we are driving my daughter to St. Louis (about 4 hours round trip) to her best friend’s birthday party tomorrow.  It looks like the stars are aligning so I will have enough time to play and review Cro-Mag Rally for the GamesAreEvil crew.

Jason Evangelho, Evil Editor:

Despite some very evil temptations like Rock Band 2, SOCOM: Confrontation and PURE, I’m going to spend the weekend with my caffeine I.V. drip devoting some time to my Dreamcast (dying to revisit Jet Grind Radio and Shenmue), and finally progressing through Burnout:Paradise. If I’m lucky, I may even see the elusive 100% completion on GTA IV.

Let us know what dusty games you’re revisiting this weekend in the comments!