The Malloon Hungers, the Malloon Lives
Through my connections at Games Are Evil (GrE) I have gathered many industry insiders from the land of my imagination. These insiders (in my mind) have told me of several titles across various platforms that the gaming public is unaware. Today I will proudly share with you the best of these games that you will never get to play.
Is this what became of Max Force?
First up we have a remake to an arcade co-op classic. The original game was a joint effort with D.A.R.E. and Williams Electronics (of Mortal Kombat fame) that hit the arcades in 1988. This game was an ultra-violent side scroller that pit two police officers (Max Force and Hit Man) in motorcycle helmets against waves of drug pushing and using manics. For those of you not old enough, this is a 100% accurate representation of the late 1980s. When I would go to the local mall I used to have to jump and roll, using my cat-like reflexes to dodge the syringes being thrown at me. The purple faced drug dealers that lurked in the suburbs of Pittsburgh were so angry with the “just say no” campaign, that they took to hurling syringes at everyone trying to get to Chess King to buy some boss clothes.
The original remake to NARC was also a realistic approach to gaming. Originally slated for the PS2 and Xbox, NARC: The High School Years, would have told the tale of the teenage Mr. Force and Mr. Man. The deep story was to boldly tell the tale of two young justice seekers doing their best to tattle on everyone, while not getting the crap beaten out of them in the process. An introductory movie was in full CGI, showing Max receiving a “swirly” and Hit telling on the older kids that gave Max his toilet bath. As the story turned out, Mr. Big’s son, Big Man on Campus, was the mastermind behind the stolen baby dolls from home economics. I, for one, am sad that I never got to play through the “who put grain in the punch bowl?” level.
I have been waiting 20 years for this game!
Every gamer worth their salt knows of UbiSoft’s cash cow games from the world of Tom Clancy. What most people do not know is that they were planning to start a whole new series of games in a similar vein from author Thomas Harris. The first game would have been the Wii title, Thomas Harris’ Silence of the Lambs. In SoTL, players would get to chance to play as the misunderstood anti-hero Jame Gumb. This stealth action game would feature all of the famous scenes from the movie. Imagine the excitement as the gamer hides, with their infrared goggles donned, waiting to capture their next victim. The Wiimote would be the perfect control scheme for enacting the infamous tuck dance, move for glorious move. Not only would the player have to master the sowing skills to make their skin suit through an organic leveling system, but they would also master the art of convincing “it” to put the lotion on it’s skin.
This Character is not in the game.
I know of a car simulator to destroy all others. Designed by Polyphony Digital and Turn 10 studios, the developers behind Gran Turismo and Forza. This collaboration was going to launch for both the PS3 and Xbox360. Rush Hour USA would have had more customization than any other car sim before it. Imagine all the fun of sitting in rush hour traffic from the comfort of your living room! Customizable features of the game included, designing your own method of flipping the bird to antagonistic motorists, fully customizable un-listenable radio stations, and of course custom dents to add to your non-descript sedan. Rush Hour would take place in the most notorious of gridlock location across the continental United States, with the bonus unlockable DC beltway. The AI was painstakingly crafted to thwart your every attempt to get to work on time.
Keep checking in at GrE for my next update, including more Retro re-launches, some 80′s tv gems, and more.
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