While many of you fighting fans may have been looking at the impressive gameplay mechanics of UFC 2009 Undisputed, I feel that there’s a part of the game which is going largely unnoticed (until now). Upon taking a close look at the promotional screenshots of UFC 2009, I noticed a number of unadvertised characters in the audience who may have been ignored even after the game’s release if it weren’t for this feature, so you’re welcome THQ (you can thank me later).
Carry on reading to discover just what characters I’m talking about…
Mad-Fists O’Flannigan
After a tragic incident involving sticky tape, Irishman Mickey O’Flannigan has had his fists permanently clenched since the age of 8 – gaining the nickname “Mad-Fists” from his parents who thought it was a funny idea at the time (officially changing his name on his 16th birthday). As a punishment for wasting precious tape, his parents refused to take him to hospital until he apologized sincerely. Days later, a crack team of veterinarians claimed they couldn’t do anything for him and apologized moments before discovering a cure for puppy-cancer.
He failed miserably at a number of professions he tried his hand at (waiter, hand model) and eventually tried his hands at boxing. Needless to say he was a natural, defeating the best Ireland had to offer. After winning the national title, he got into a large argument with his father – who had wished Mad-Fists would follow in his footsteps of catering and hand modeling and Mad-Fists resolved to leave the country and live in America, working his way to the top there. What he didn’t realize though, was that American boxing was not the same as boxing back home, and he was promptly banned from participating in or attending boxing matches when it was revealed his hands were stuck together (a ban was passed on such physical abnormalities in 1973) and he was forced to quit boxing.
Now Mad-Fists spends the money he made throughout his boxing career on alcohol and MMA tickets, where he violently sobs and claps vertically as he remembers his own fighting days.
Butch Ballswood
Butch loves nothing more than to watch sweaty men wrestle, dying his handlebars a different colour from his hair and wearing two vests at the same time. He’s also, in his own words “is totally NOT gay”.
The Dentist
Little is known about this violent psychopath apart from his body count and his signature methods of execution. Tired of getting so many children in his surgery with terrible teeth, he vowed revenge on the people he feels responsible; the food companies and innocent bystanders. He is always seen sucking on two golf balls (one in each cheek,) laughing manically for the rest of the day after a particularly “amusing” kill. He is a strong advocate for dental hygiene (all of his victims linked by their dirty teeth), strangling his victims with dental floss before removing their teeth and sending them to the CEO of Kraft food. He enjoys violent video-games and sailing.
Coincidentally, Kraft has since released a new line of crunchy white nuggets which “are a great source of Calcium!” and incredibly hard to eat.
Sally Cousins and Her Cardboard Husband
After a childhood of rejection and exclusion from social groups at school, Sally Cousins developed a strong aversion to such denials. After drugging, then marrying her local librarian (while he was unconscious. It involved a tape recorder, a gullible priest and brilliant timing) she enjoyed many years of married life, keeping her tormented husband locked in the basement strapped to a chair – taking a cardboard replica with her whenever she goes out. Hey, perhaps we should introduce her to The Dentist.
Hungry Hungry Horace
Is that guy doing what I think he’s doing? Yes, Yes he is.
Enter Hungry Hungry Horace… quite literally. Horace is a MMA fanatic who doesn’t understand why they don’t sell roast beef at the venues. An easy solution to this of course, is to make the most of the situation and eat whatever’s sitting in front of him. Unfortunately in this situation what’s sitting right in front of him is another human being, oblivious to what’s about to happen to the back of their head.
Jack Shepard from Lost
When not filming adverts for skin cream, or getting stuck on magical islands; Jack loves him a bit of UFC. That’s undisputed.
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