I caused some tetchiness when I said I hate PC gamers. Imagine that, PC gamers owning a computer, having internet access, and believing they can make a difference from their keyboard. As a caveat, let me explain my creative process. I rarely write my biweekly editorial more than a couple of hours prior to posting it. The only reason it takes a couple of hours is because I write it, let it sit for a little bit, then come back and edit it with what I hope is heightened detachment. After I post it, I walk away. I used to take my time and write it over the span of a few days, then meticulously try to respond to each comment. I quickly learned how much of a colossal waste of time that is. These days I don’t reedit it. I don’t reread it, and I sure as hell don’t read the comments. I don’t give a fuck what is said in retaliation. I wasn’t surprised when my editor told me I caused a shit storm from the dust bowl of retards that is the internet. However, I was actually surprised that he actually told me though.
Breaking routine, I read through some of the comments and immediately thought I should write a disclaimer to reference in future posts. Something that states “the opinions of Jimmy the Greek do not represent those of Games Are Evil … this is for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken literally … any literary argument in validation is strictly intended … frequent masturbation and ass shoving references … strong language… suck my balls like they’re ice cubes… etc.” Then I thought better of it. If you are so easily offended by someone else’s opinion, that is a problem with you. The very concept of hatred is based on ignorance and prejudice. If you don’t already know that, I hate you.
The Gamers
Cinema, theater, music, and art proponents, in general, believe their medium is the absolute best. Let’s get this out of the way as painlessly as possible: video games are a form of art. There is emotional expression, detachment from reality or momentary diversion, visual style, controls, score, etc. Many small parts combined to create a greater whole. Touching on set theory, we can say that if everything in the set shares a common characteristic, that is a characteristic of the set. Now we know video games are art. With all art there are devout supporters, extremists, or fanboys.
Most supporters are just that, simple supporters. They spend money on what they like as a testament to what they believe is good or exceptional. There are always people who take it too far. For example, bacon is delicious, mayonnaise is delicious, and together on a Monster burger from Hardee’s is delicious. Now, is there anybody out there who found it necessary to make baconnaise? If you said yes, you must be extremely overweight and have taken something too far.
There are the assholes you encounter in online games. The hapless douche bags who take an entire week off work to set up camp outside of a video game store and be the first person to… I’m not so sure what they’re going to be the first person doing. It’s not playing the game, maybe it’s getting bed sores from sitting in a lawn chair outside of a respected place of business. The same people type of people who made baconnaise and I’ve talked about with such affectionate hatred.
I’ve tread this water before. If at any time you ask yourself, “have I took it too far?” You have taken it too far. On several occasions I have proclaimed my disgust for holding something so sacred you get unreasonably pissed when somebody justifiably doesn’t like it. I’ve been called a troll and for clarification, you apparently don’t know what a troll is douche bag. A troll is someone who posts contrary material in forums and in comments purposely to insight outrage from the participants. Notice the emphasis. I write offensive material for a website in a reoccurring editorial based solely on my general detestation. At best, that makes me a rabble-rouser. Unless you are referring to me as a beastly man who hides under bridges waiting to gobble up children as they cross on their way to grandma’s, to you I say, thank you.
Let’s sum this section up with a proclamation. The gamers are what I hate the most about video games, 99% of you give the rest of us a bad name.
The Games
I have to reference Aladdin with something Jafar said when speaking about the only person who could enter the Cave of Wonders, “the diamond in the rough.” I know what you’re thinking, “Aladdin? Pansy.” Well I also watched Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Bambi, Dumbo, etc. I think maybe you had an abusive childhood of which you won’t remember until you sit in a psychiatrists office. Don’t worry, with the assistance of psychotropic pharmaceuticals and hypnosis, you’ll remember why you hate your father so much. Back to my point… Jafar’s statement is applicable to video games, specifically to good games.
When purchasing a game you have to sift through fields of shit to find that illusive jewel. A truly exceptional game comes along at most once a year. Even the most critically acclaimed games are just slightly discolored turds in a sea of diarrhea. A good game is something you can play over and over again. You play the main mission time and time again. If it has online offerings, they’re an enjoyable experience even if it is mostly repetitive. It doesn’t have to have the best graphics or deepest story. These days you spend $60, or $50 for the PC gaming fags, on at most, a 20 hour main story and online multiplayer that is just variations of death match, flag, and king of the hill. Within a year it’s shelved and you’re left wanting something new. Of course you could wait a little while for a game to drop in price but as one person stated with my PC Gaming article, “I have a sick infatuation with playing new games.” What a schmuck…
The Price
Developers are constantly coming up with new ways to milk just a little more money out of the consumer. They raised the price of games from last generation to this one. For the most part I have no problem with that. Games, much like movies, are better now than they’ve ever been. They could’ve raised the price of games without giving me the slightest explanation and I would’ve just understood. They could have called it inflation, a gamer tax, or come up with some excuse like an abused spouse, and it would have been okay. However, they tried to justify it as increased development costs. That’s where I say, “what the fuck?”
Games have always been expensive to make and you don’t have to license the Unreal and Havoks engine to make a good game. Shit, I can tell right away if a game uses either because of the bright sheen that even the dirtiest rock has, or the comical fall of so many bodies implementing poor rag doll physics. Look at the casual games that make money hand-over-fist on good concepts. You can’t tell me that tits have to bounce perfectly, or clothes have to billow in the wind to justify an extra $10 per game. Go ahead and tell me that.
Now I say look at the copious amount of in game advertisements. I don’t want to see real cars licensed for a game. More developers should get creative and design new cars. I don’t want to see Burger King advertisements. I certainly don’t want current manufacturers to display billboards in futuristic or alternate reality cities. If it makes the game cheaper, then I’m all for it, but if the game stays the same price I’m not going to buy the motherfucker.
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