This time for the Confessional I have decided to take a look at my life as an adult gamer and share some thoughts I have on something that can set the tone of your gaming experience (as long as you have a designated driver and are old enough to legally consume alcohol). Please join me and learn that like any good meal that has a wine to go with it, gaming too has drinks that work best as an accompaniment.

The Nintendo Wii changed gaming and brought the youngest and oldest people and turned them into gamers of a sort. My mother got a Wii for Christmas, but enough of that lest I digress. Wii Fit turned exercising into a game. What is a better beverage to enjoy with a game insulting you, than vodka and Diet coke? The vodka can enhance the sadness you feel as your Wii lets you know that your fitness age is 100 years old and the Diet Coke will provide low-calorie content to make you feel better afterwards.

Part of a well balanced gaming experience.

A well known fact in my circle of friends is that Gin makes a man mean. This has been established through trial and error throughout history. A Gin drinking night can often lead to unpredictable bursts of violence to strangers and friends alike. To slow the effects of the Gin and to help prevent you from having a mouth that tastes like a pine cone, I suggest combining Gin with Sprite or a similar beverage. The Gin Martini would take too long to concoct while playing. Oh, and this drink is a perfect match for any of the Grand Theft Auto series. Why be mean to your fellow humans when you can do it in a virtual world? Caution: missions will frequently go by the wayside, as the slightest offense against your person will require vengeance.

This is what you will see. Damn you Banker's Club.

Not all of my advice is game-specific.  The first person shooter (FPS) genre has something in common across all platforms. That is beer. Beer of any variety is perfect for FPS games. There are a few reasons for this. The first is that beer takes a long time to make you unable to see. The second is that the frequent bathroom breaks you eventually need will be directly proportional to the amount of times you die in non-respawn games. Beer has the magical benefit of beer muscles, which convert nicely over the communication centers of the brain. This is beneficial to the adult gamer, because it grants you the ability to speak to the children, who keep “pwning” you and will not stop yelling about it, at their level. It also enhances the volume of the players’ voice quite nicely. Beer is also a perfect choice for MMO players as long as they have a beer helmet to keep the cans in while raiding.

Copy of WoW not included.

Rock Band and Guitar Hero present a different challenge, since there are four different instruments at work. So I shall look at each instrument for your benefit. A good night of RB or GH may involve switching instruments, so I recommend stocking up and cleaning the glasses before you begin. The singer has a microphone and their own voice as the instrument. This presents a two-fold problem. First the voice can get tired quickly if untrained. Second singing can be embarrassing. Fortunately I have the solution: Tequila shooters. This is the only occasion when the “training” wheels should be used. The reason being that the lemon will help soothe the singer’s throat as the tequila makes them lose any shame they may have had. Additional warning: the tequila may cause them to hit you with the mic eventually. Drumming is the most tiring aspect of RB or GH. The constant motion can dehydrate the player and this could ruin your time and cause a headache. The drummer should have some sort of squirt bottle nearby that has Jagermeister and red Powerade in it. The guitarists and bassists need to each have a bottle of whiskey which they will drink directly from until the fight.

Has anyone seen the singer?

The horror genre has a way of getting into your head, especially if you let it. The creepy encounters, the lack of ammo, the feeling that something can jump out at you at any time. Did I describe a horror game or a night at the club? Due to this similarity you should drink champagne when playing horror games. If nothing else, popping the cork off of the bottle will give you a jolt.

Racing games need to be broken up into three separate categories for the sake of proper consumption. Cart racers, with all of the looney characters and silly power-ups and attacks, are notoriously cheap. Some may say that people steal wins from each other, in a word: piracy. Along those lines, Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum and Coke are the best liquid treat to quench your gaming thirst.

Arcade racers should be played with two drinks available. The frenetic pacing and length of the races play into the subtle charms of Firewater and Ice 101 shots. It is crucial to alternate between each type of liquor between races. If you stay on this pattern you will not be able to finish a sentence in 2 hours.

Sim racers are a whole other beast. Shots of Ouzo will keep your hands on the wheel and your mind focused on the task at hand. That task being to figure out if your mouth will ever stop tasting like licorice. If you are only planning on tuning your car then you should purchase some blackberry brandy. Your innovations on brandy will astound you.

Some short suggestions:

• Boones Farm wine is perfect for brain building games on the Nintendo DS.
• White wine is good with Cooking Mama on the DS.
• Malt Liquor is for playing Doom 3 co-op on the original Xbox.
• Phantasy Star Online may be played while drinking anything, just make sure you name a character after your beverage. For example I was The Glenlivet.
• Do not drink when you are in league play, unless you are in last place. In that case grain alcohol with grape Koolaid – “OH YEAH!”
• If you still insist on playing Ultima Online, Mead works.
• Sports games and jello shots will not work.

Hector completed Halo 3 in one sitting.

Let me end by saying never drink too much or you will have to do a log-on of shame. If you need a suggestion let me know. I know the perfect match for every game. [ed - sorry for any spelling mistakes towards the end. I took your advice and now I'm horizontal]