Make sure you get to the end of this post for details about the Retro Confessional Classics Contest!

I don't think I will double in height if I eat this your majesty.

Being a life-long gamer in my mid-thirties, I got to experience the video game apocalypse that occurred thanks to a multitude of factors. I never stopped playing because my Atari 800 and the arcades got me through a few lean years, but home consoles were out for a time. When they came back I was a bit of a voyeur of console gaming. When I was drug off to shop with my mother I would go off on my own and wander about Games and Gadgets at THE Mall, or if at a department store I would go to the electronics section and marvel at the new games for the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES), Sega Master System, and Atari 7800. On these trips I was always happy when we went to Hills. In the entry way they had a few arcade machines and a concession stand. This is where I discovered something called Super Mario Brothers.

Quickly...Mario, which sequel was not originally a "Mario" game?

I still recall scrambling for quarters in my messy room before we would head out. I anticipated jumping over the little turtles and mushroom people. The thought of eating flowers to shoot fireballs was a wonder to behold, and then of course there was sewer pipes that functioned like the doors at the Mall. That game was a great way to pass time, but it usually ended with my mother being annoyed because she was ready to go and I was still playing.

In time one of my friends got a NES. He had several of us stay over for his birthday. I recall not getting much sleep that night. The Legend of Zelda, Archanoid, Metroid, Kid Icaris, and Mario Golf stand out as games that got played that night. That was the final straw. I had to re-enter the world of consoles. After enough campaigning (whining) my father bought me a NES for Christmas. I did not know it at the time but my future was almost sealed. I finally could play Super Mario all the way through to the end and collect coins until the cows came home.

Later the next year the saga continued in a weird sequel. Super Mario Brothers 2. This game did not seem like a sequel, except for the returning protagonist. To help Mario out, we now had a chance to play the high jumping Luigi, the floating Princess, or the strong Toad. The different game play did not bother me. My friends and I went nuts for the game. If memory serves I floated over most of an ice level using the Princess. It has not yet been determined by physicians if this is where my obsession with egg related villains began, but riding around on eggs really stands out in my memory.

The artist's drawing convinced Luigi and Frogger that their child would indeed be beautiful.

When I got Super Mario 3 I did not play it much. This was not because the game was lacking in quality. Quite the opposite was true. This was the best Mario game for the NES. At that point in my life I was busy with juggling school, activities, work, spending time with my friends (not being home) and dating. I was too obsessed with not being home, to be interested in putting time in to my gaming hobby. This changed in my freshman year of college. A few guys on my floor had NES consoles and Super Mario 3 came back into my life. Except instead of telling people how to properly do things, we lied to each other. I once heard, “…the frog pajamas make you invulnerable”. The most fun lie was to tell people that they needed find the batteries. Of course there were none.

With the purchase of my Super Nintendo (SNES), my fate was sealed. I would be a life long gamer. I spent many hours playing Super Mario World for my SNES. At that point in time I was a floundering upper upperclassmen (by age, not credits) and in a fraternity. Here is a secret about fraternities for those of you that were never in one, everything you have seen in movies is totally true. That is why I would be up to the wee hours playing Mario World with my friends, err I mean yelling, “Nerds” at the science majors. My main partner in crime for playing Mario and I were very frustrated with finally beating the game. We had unlocked everything and just could not beat Bowser. A brother of ours wandered into my room from a late night of drinking. He sat down and asked if he could play, and we were irate at this point, so we said go ahead. He beat it. The word unhappy came to mind.

This never existed.

Several years later my fiance and future wife bought me the most wonderful present. It was a little console called the Nintendo 64 (N64). Considering I had not out grown my partying tendencies at that point, it was amazing the time I devoted to playing Super Mario 64. At the time, there was no gaming experience quite like it. It reminded the player of the Mario games that came before it, and then took it too a new level. The game itself is overshadowed in my mind by the fever gripping people to get an N64. I worked at Blockbuster at the time and people would ask us if we knew where they could buy one. I would brag that I owned one. I was a fool. I was offered hundreds of dollars over the price of the system and did not sell. Wisdom comes with age, and gamers can be a twisted lot.

Batteries not included.

I have not picked up a Mario game since the N64, maybe my tastes have changed. Perhaps there is some weird connection between going to the bar all the time and wanting to save a Princess. I do not pretend to have the answer to those questions. I do know two things: The smell of hot dogs combined with popcorn still reminds me of getting to a castle, only to find out it was the wrong one and if you have never played any of these games you are doing yourself a disservice.

Congratulations to last week’s winner: MandaJ! Your copy of Animaniacs is on its way, via dog sled.
Be sure to enter your name in the comments below to win your copy of a Retro Confessional Classic: A Super NES copy of Clue! Open to all humans on planet Earth, unless you are currently writing for this website.

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