The year was 2005. Breakfast was delicious.
However it was incomplete for millions of people without a favorite beverage. That beverage was coffee. Now we were not yet completely enthralled with drinking old coffee put on ice. No, it was a simpler time when people still enjoyed hot coffee. Strangely enough, hot coffee became Hot Coffee and was actually discussed by the employees of the United States tax payers.
It is time to share a story about two very different titles and my little visit to a large toy store chain.

"...and in local news three gang members in a speeding vehicle collided with an ESRB rating and died upon impact. Film at 11."
The first title is Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (GTA:SA). This was an innocent little game that had nothing in it to concern parents, until someone figured out how to mod the game to open up the aforementioned Hot Coffee. Now this modding is what every child sits around doing all day, instead of actually playing games. This mod would show a thrown away game play element that was as lame as it sounds. It was the player character engaging in poorly animated relations with one of his girlfriends. This caused an uproar which went all the way to the US Senate for review.
The next title in my little tale is God of War. This game also received an M rating but seemed to stay off the radar of the United States government, since no children could possibly own or even play a game that their parents were not warned about on the nightly news. Oh wait, their parents may have been more likely to buy the fantasy game full of mythical creatures and wild slaying action, since they had never heard of it.
For those of you that never played through God of War, here are some interesting tidbits: there is a mini-game involving sexual relations and there are scenes with bare-breasted women. Without modification.
Now do not get me wrong, both of these are fantastic games and I will leave the game buying choices up to the individual consumer. I just think an interesting thing occurred a few years ago and it could still impact the industry we enjoy so much in the future. I do not like it when the choice is taken out of the consumer’s hands. That is exactly what happened with these two games. I went to a store (which, being a toy store I understand), that stopped selling GTA:SA on all platforms it was available for.
There on a lunch, probably convincing my friend to buy Star Wars figures he didn’t need, I spotted God of War. So I decided to engage the clerk in some friendly conversation.
The discussion began innocently. After all the kid was just doing his job and some bald guy must want a game for his kid. I asked, “Do you have GTA:SA?”
“Oh no, we can’t carry that game.”
Puzzled I asked, “Well why not?”
“It contains a scene that is sexual in nature.”
“Oh my. I thought it was violent too.”
“Oh it is, but that’s not why we pulled it.”
“Oh ok, I see you have God of War?”
“Yes.”
“Why do you have that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you aware that God of War has scenes of a sexual nature too, and you don’t even have to mod anything?”
“No.”
After that he was annoyed with me, but you get the picture. I was messing with him to prove a point to myself. Its not the actual content that offends as much as what people have heard of it. My fear for the future is that gamers do not speak out and support their politicians that want them to be able to buy what they want or allow developers to make games without possible censorship. Instead they may sit idle and think it is not their problem. Well it is.
So next time you get carded for a game do not give attitude for the employee doing their job. If you are a parent and you are concerned about what your child may be asking for, read the ESRB rating. If you are a parent and a store refuses to sell your child a game that they are too young to buy, do not give the clerk a hard time. Instead you might ask them why the game is rated that way. Our industry is under scrutiny and we should be reasonable for control, but willing to fight to keep it going.
By the way, when I bought an M rated game at a major chain recently the register prompted the employee to card me. When I asked if it did that for “R” movies, they said, “No, why?”
*Every Wednesday, Fanky Malloon trips down memory lane and waxes nostalgic over the innocent, and not so innocent, games of old. If you enjoyed this article, check out our other Retro Confessionals.




Just need to get this out there: God of War is terrible.
I thought it was a blast, if a bit repetitive.
I’m surprised they let the new GTA come out for release! Before you know it, Mario games will be rated M and the only games we’ll be able to play will be Hopscotch on the street with chalk. I think that society as a whole has let the ESRB rating system get way too out of hand and there really needs to be something done about it.
Loved the article though.. some great points in it.
@Manda: Amazingly, the ESRB has lightened up quite a bit. Remember Perfect Dark for N64? RATED M! Fanky actually refreshed my memory on that tonight, I was shocked.
But I see your point, and I agree with it 100%
God of War? Terrible? Wow. I actually really, really enjoyed the game. I’m probably in the minority, but I’d rather spend my time playing that game than playing any of the GTA games.
But I digress.
Having done time in the gaming retail sector, I can honestly say that more people ignorantly gripe about the ESRB system than there should be. Be thankful that we’re not (yet) to the point that governmental intervention forces developers to shy away from what could arguably be described as questionable content.
I don’t get what the problem is. If you’re not 17, ask a parent to buy the game for you. Explain why the system is what it is, and explain why you are mature enough to understand and deal with the content. If they won’t buy it for you, maybe there are some underlying reasons why that you’re not willing to accept.
Case closed.
@Manda:
I echo Jason’s sentiments here. The ESRB isn’t over-the-top with its rating decisions. If anything, developers have chose to go with more controversial content than we’ve ever seen on the whole in this industry.
We’ve been shooting and beating up enemies for decades now, but the enemies have never been this lifelike and the content has never been this graphic. We’ve gone from shooting faceless army guys to slitting the throats of relatively real-looking people in all of its bloody glory.
That kind of content should not be viewed by children, but it shouldn’t have to be completely cut out for adults to miss out on.
I look at it more as anytime enough angry mom’s complain about a game, the rating gets changed too easily and/or pulled from shelves. I know it’s gotten better over time. No arguing there for sure. There are games I play that I would never let my kids play (if I had kids) because I keep myself well informed and educated on them – but I’m not going to ruin it for everyone else and complain to national news about it.
Perhaps it’s the parents of children that need to be better educated and not be allowed to complain about the ESRB ratings and take responsibility for the games they allow their children to play.
< = Will let Peter's eloquence speak in my place from now on :-)
@Manda:
There is certainly a trend for parents (or politicians) to use gaming as a scapegoat for bad behavior in children these days, and it does seem a bit easy for parents’ groups to get games pulled from store shelves for no real reason.
Parents should get more involved in what their kids play, as far as games go. Take a look at web sites (like Games Are Evil!). Read some magazines. Ask kids what they’re playing… and maybe even watch them as they play to see what it’s all about. Education can be effective in getting parents to steer their kids clear of games that are not necessarily meant for them.
The education, in my opinion, can be given by retailers as well. It takes just a moment to point out the ESRB content descriptors on a box.
“Just to let you know, miss, this game is rated M and is suggested for players 17 years old and beyond. There is some graphic violence and also some strong sexual content. Would you still like to purchase this game?”
Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Manda. If (or when) you become a parent, it seems evident that you’ll keep close tabs on what they’re playing… and that’s outstanding.
Just curious… does anyone know what the rating was on the Blitz football game that came out a few years back was? I only ask because I remember renting this game from the local video store (I dont BUY any football games but Madden) but I remember a player getting hurt and it giving me the option to leave him out for 1 game, or shooting him up with “an injection” and him only missing 4 plays…
@Justin:
Midway’s Blitz: The League was rated M by the ESRB and was released for the PS2 and Xbox in 2005. Your memory is accurate; the game did feature injections (and other steroid use) that could be used to drastically reduce injury time or to make players stronger or faster.
*sigh* time to speak on behalf of the 17 and under crowd.
First off, I devoured God of War. And it’s not because I’m a perveted and violent teenager. It was fun, and that was it. I’m not going to sell my soul to the God of War because I played it, and I’m not going to run around whacking people with crowbars because I play half-life.
It’s in these “angry mom get-togethers” that I feel insulted. I mean, I know there are some unstable children out there, but is that the fault of a videogame? No.
Parents are so quick to pass the buck to the games we play.
Why should I be punished to not be able to play amazing games (like Bishock, that I hear had controversy about beating women) just because a bunch of people didn’t bring their kids up properly?
It’s madness, and I say let the angry moms stick to drunk driving.
Also, it’s my firm belief that the ESRB banning games is directly contrary to their own NAME. It’s the “Entertainment Software RATINGS Board”, not the Entertainment Software BANNINGS Board” Their job is to inform of a games content. Its up to the rest of us to figure out what games should or should not be played.
You guys seriously think these games are warping my “impressionable young mind”? Here’s the truth: Hell naw.
@Hot Coffee: It’s a pile of polygons moving up and down. Get over it everybody. There is more sexuality in shampoo commercials these days.
I think this argument is very similar to the arguments that you hear about many forms of media and is nothing new.
Here are a couple of base issues. Using media as babysitter and a growing trend in realism.
It this faced paced world it is difficult for parents to know what their children are up to all the time. The easiest route is to let tv, music, games, or movies occupy the childrens’ time. I cannot speak for or against this, what I can stress is that if they are going to do this they should monitor the itmes purchased and set boundries for what is acceptable. Communication and understanding go a long way.
Pete nailed it with the realism. Which gets to me at times. In Bioshock I did not have the malice to destroy the little sisters, I just felt too darn bad. Which I think is pretty darn cool for a game to accomplish. However you could always go the other route.
God of War is also known as “Press Square until the credits roll”
PS: Since when is 2004 retro?
@Mitchell: For our site, we definite Retro as anything not current-generation hardware.
Definition: Imitative of a style or design from the recent past.
@Mitchell Funny story, one of my friends beat the entire game using only Triangle attacks :)
oh, and you may not have liked the game, but admit it: it was pretty bad-ass when Kratos said “You succeeded”. I nearly stood up and cheered.
this whole comment conversation has given me an idea. why is it okay to cut a man in half with a chainsaw and see his guts and realistic pieces of flesh chunks spray upon your “virtual” face (and you revel in it), and not okay to poorly simulate sex? WtF is wrong with people? perhaps i will elaborate….at a later date.
I have to agree with Travi on this one. Everyone gets so upset over something so stupid as the hot coffee mod but when marcus takes a chainsaw to a locust in gears of war or leon kennedy gets a chainsaw to the chest in RE 4 everyone is hunky dory about the whole thing simply because the media didnt jump on it and beat it to death.
@Travi – I think it’s because our current western society comes from a very puritanical and male-centric worldview, where sexuality is not encouraged at all, and is taboo in many respects. A worldview in which women are still second class citizens, and where violence and anger is the norm. I’ve ranted about this for years, but I firmly believe we are a society with our priorities out of order.
I get me brain medicines from the National ‘ealth!